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Moonlight, glittering and cold, dull and pale,
Filters through the bare rafters of my roof,
As nimble fingersmiths dance across the shale.
My friend of old, a cruel man, mean and aloof
Glares at me over his book, a heavy tome,
He’s a fussy man, boring and old
His book, crafted of leather, reeking of loam.
He speaks loudly, calling me a scold.
This is me attempting to do a poem that actually rhymes! ...I think I'll stick to free verse. This is an excerpt from a novel I wrote way back when, and this poem is the remnants of a story I wanted to write, that I kinda abandoned. In the end, it became a song scrap.
:iconmichel-le-fou:
There is emphatically and audibly a song rhythm here. I should like to extend a few more verses, u can do so at leisure. The rhyme pattern is very suitable for song lyrics, and I reminisce about those I submitted. We seem to share a tacit understanding of this art.i am now trying to imagine the genre of music to fit it, but certainly you know. The word/ language you chose is very appropriate too.i find little wrong with it other than "should be longer". That is purely my feeling. You may be contemplating an album? If yes, I look forward to more lyrics.
What do you think?
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:iconrsiphotography:
rsiphotography Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Professional General Artist
I am not a witer actually quite the opposite. It seems to flow and the imagery stands out for me in the piece the most. I guess I think it could be longer it gets my interest and I want more at the end.
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:iconamaranthine-eternity:
amaranthine-eternity Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Professional General Artist
XD Yeah, I really want to expand on it. iconthanks!plz:
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January 9, 2013
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